Am I Wrong If I Don't Answer?

-I have a good friend who is well aware of a situation I have that keeps me unavailable about three days a week. I do spend time with her and talk on the phone with her every day other than these days. She is always upset because I prefer to focus elsewhere during these three days. What to do? I feel she is being too darn clingy and she feels abandoned. This is a boundary of mine and I'm going to protect it. Am i wrong?To answer your last question first - NO, you are not wrong to set and protect boundaries!



Here's my view on the situation as I understand it - You have a friend that you maintain contact with and with whom you have explained your situation. You have a few days where, heaven forbid, you don't focus on her and instead focus on your granddaughter, and this upsets her? I think she is not only 'clingy and she feels abandoned' as you said, but I think the honest word here may be 'selfish'. I am assuming here that she is an adult like you.



It sounds like you are a very caring friend and a loving grandmother, and you do not want to be rude or insensitive or selfish yourself. I admire all of those things. At the same time, I want you to know it is not only perfectly acceptable to set boundaries but it is also a good thing. You are putting the time you need (and WANT) to spend with your granddaughter ahead of spending every day with an adult friend. I do not know your friend's situation, but she needs to be able to think beyond herself. If the situation were reversed and she needed a few days for someone else, would you be offended? abandoned? I think not.



You may have already done this, but I would try having a very honest and as-friendly-as-possible conversation with your friend. Let her know up front you value her as a friend and enjoy talking with her, etc. and that you don't want her to feel left out or neglected on those days you spend with your granddaughter. But also let her know how special that time is to you and how necessary you think it is both for your granddaughter and for your relationship together. My guess is your friend may be lonely. Is there some way you can get her to shift her focus outside of herself on those days? is there a group of kids she could started reading to (once school starts back) or some way she can volunteer her time those days? maybe take up a hobby where she could make things (knit) to give away or send cards to people in the hospital or call other people, checking up on other elderly? She could find another source of happiness other than her friendship with you by finding a way to give herself to others.No you are not wrong. I have a friend that is clingy too. You just have to tell her like it is. Be nice but serious. If she is still upset, set aside one day a week or whatever suits you to do something with only her. I know it sounds childish but I have to do that with my friend. Good luck and hope I helped.
Not at all but it might help you get better answers if you say what the situation is
yea you should be sensitive to her feelings. if your a guy, then she needs comfort and attention to what she needs.
hell no, you are not wrong